My vote is for:
Stoppable Force Moves Moveable Object: TFC picks up their first win since Aug. 9 over hapless Chivas USA
I have found that when you accept that your team is shit, or is at least eminently capable of completely going to shit, life gets a lot more amusing.
Ok, ok, so it’s not North American Soccer but, jesus, would you look at that? I’m pretty sure any MLS goalkeeper trying the same thing would given a psychiatric evaluation.
Also note that in that tackle he blatantly handballs. Bold doesn’t even begin to describe that move.
Nah, everybody’s happier when you don’t.
In all fairness poor Joe Nasco has had to pick 18 out of the net in the last 5, so we can get behind cutting him a little slack.
Just look at this expression of genius:
As far as we can tell “meh” would sum it up nicely. I am glad the the Bauhausian virtues of design systems are being picked up in the MLS head office, with each team having it’s own version of the league logo, much like every kindergartener is given their own sheet of coloring paper to fill in.
This deadspin commenter seems to have cracked the code of the 3 stars as well, helping us all to understand our places in the MLS universe:
As a designer myself I can only appreciate the simplicity and directness of that kind of communication, so bravo to them.
The drink at home version:
Valeri assist: three drinks
Paulson deleted tweet during the game: finish your beer!
Chara yellow: drink
Gaston Fernandez tap-in: three drinks
Shot of Porter pouting on the sideline: drink
Kah ball-watches on a goal: three drinks
Ridgeroll!: finish your beer
Kalif jazzhands into three defenders: two drinks
Ricketts punt out of bounds: two drinks
Urrutti offside: drink
Gaston Fernandez pass to opposition: drink
Will Johnson shot into the stands: two drinks
Obligatory Timber Joey chainsaw revving shot: three drinks
Kah yellow: two drinks
Halftime with the Timbers down a goal: finish your beer
Urrutti theatrical slip: drink
Nagbe annoyed with the referee after being knocked over: two drinks
Ricketts comes up from a clash holding his arm: three drinks
Mystery handball called on a Timber: finish your beer
Hit the post: three drinks
Or the Bingo! version (randomize for gameplay):
||Paulson deleted tweet during the game
||Gaston Fernandez tap-in
|Shot of Porter pouting on the sideline
||Kah ball-watches on a goal
||Kalif jazzhands into three defenders
|Ricketts punt out of bounds
||Gaston Fernandez pass to opposition
||Will Johnson shot into the stands
||Obligatory Timber Joey chainsaw revving shot
||Halftime with the Timbers down a goal
||Urrutti theatrical slip
||Nagbe annoyed with the referee after being knocked over
I submit the following headline, from the world leader, espn.com:
Young Boys Wankdorf erection relief
James Joyce himself would admire the conflation of the sporting, the linguistic, the priapic, and the comic. Well done anonymous Reuters staff writer, well done.
Vince from Toronto (/u/Barthez_Battalion) joins us this week to offer perspective on all the changes in TFC over the last week.
Where an otherwise reasonable person attempts to apply silly and sometimes gimmicky narratives to a group of six to nine mostly unconnected soccer games. Read more